Life is pointless, but so is death. ... Guess we should just make the best out of life, huh
I bet you noticed how a mood can shift in just a day. You can consist solely of hate, and the next day it's fine. Stupid.
Makes me think my brain is retarded. But that would mean, that i can manipulate it to be "happy"? Like, abusing biochemical mechanisms to reduce hate and increase happiness. Theoretically, my brain rewards me for doing good stuff and loving and so on. Which is also stupid. But it works. (Drugs don't count btw, it's cheating )
When youre in a good mood, you don't think about how pointless life is, you just kinda enjoy yourself, right? It's still stupid, but it's a good way to live. Is being stupid on purpose better than trying to be smart and make sense out of life? Jesus. Whatever. Sure. Why not. I love being stupid.
As long as theres a chance that i can be happy, i will not give up. I like your attitude.
Always wait 3 days before you do anything stupid. Saved my life
The last thing I would do is commit suicide. And I'm trying to enjoy myself as little as possible because that is egoistic. If life has a meaning then I think it is just by reproducing or trying to make life better for everybody else, not yourself.
I am a pure egoist. I do NOTHING that doesn't benefit me in some way. I am studying medicine because i want to heal sick people. Sounds paradox, right?
Everything an organsim does has an egoistic background. There was a time when i thought kinda like you - The result was that i didn't even call my grandparents anymore, because i thought that i was doing that only to improve my relationship with them to get gifts and money and that sort of crap. So behind my caring for grandparents would just be another egoistic, malignant purpose.
Wasn't long ago when i revised my philosophy on egoism. What is my goal when i interact with other people? I mean, why am i even talking to YOU right now? I could save the energy and do something else, something more "productive", right?
Every interaction with another organism is a tradeoff. You invest something, and get somehting back. There is no such thing as a one-sided action, where one organism gets nothing or everything.
If you work for someone, he might reward you with a wage. If you help someone, you get gratitude, or maybe just satisfaction out of it. If you talk to someone, your brain rewards you with hormones that probably increase the mood. Youre getting rewarded for acting as a pack-animal.
Personally, i don't give a crap about money or a high self-esteem because im a doctor or whatever. The only reason why i want to become a doctor is because i want to be able to help others - To help myself. The interaction of healing rewards me with "happiness", and benefits others with a better life. So it's a win/win situation. Couldn't be better, right?
Also keep in mind, that others might be depending on you. Especially girls Your job as a boyfriend is to make your girlfriend happy, and the other way around. Simple.
Can you do that when acting like a lifeless zombie? You have a responsibility there. You're not allowed to let yourself down, because others might go down with you. And that is unacceptable.
I'm just 14 so I'm not really ready for responsibilities like that. And I'm currently not attracted to anyone but myself. I know that sounds incredibly egoistic and maybe a little disgusting too. If I get a work in the future, I'll probably work at McDonald's or something like that... I also believe that money is "evil". I heard that quote from the batman "if you're good at something never do it for free" I got really sad when I heard that so many people agree with that.
I haven't slept for 3 days so if I'm... something... you know why...
Have you seen the movie Cube (1997)? If you haven't, you should. Because there's a guy in that movie named Worth that I really like. His way of seeing life is just brilliant according to me.
I saw the movie about 5 years ago, and thought it was stupid. Just saw it again, and now i see a whole bunch of metaphors to philosophy and human society. Actually pretty good, if you can see the underlying stuff. The fact that you seem to be able to do that at your age is impressive. (I am 21 right now, but i think you already know that.)
At the age of 14, i was just a plain idiot. Almost failed school every year, and pretty much acted as the clown for the others. I consider my childhood to be crap. I have no clue if there are similarities to what youre dealing with right now, but hey. I also started doing some pretty fucked up artwork, similar to what youre doing right now. I might show you some of it later if you want a look, since it's not on my deviantaccount.
One thing i would like to correct at this point: I never thought about suicide - That stupid thing i didn't do was something different(And worse).
The main issue back then was dealing with unfairness and the hate that resulted from it. Especially in school, when i saw more successful people, it was easy to develop envy. Like, why are people following them, and not me? Why does the greatest douchebag in class get all the attention? And so on. I did alot of pretty bad stuff just to be acknowledged. And even then, "Friends" would just turn away from me.
Looking back, i am actually glad that i made those experiences. Sounds weird, but pain makes you stronger. And i'll even tell you a secret - The driving force, that made me success at school and sports and everything else (except social stuff), was hate. Just as an example: In the eleventh grade, i almost had to repeat the year. In the last year before graduation (13), i was the best student in class.
Back then, hate was the only thing i really felt. There was nothing else - No fun, no sadness, no love. Hate drove me forward. It can make you accomplish all sorts of things.
I started thinking about philosophy about 3 years ago. First, i looked at what my scientific purpose in life was, which is reproduction. Makes sense, because your brain rewards you for it with happiness. But that just seems incredibly pointless. Why start another cycle of "Endless human stupidity", just as pointless as the cycle before? I mean, thats seriously retarded, right?
If you put life into a greater perspective, it gets even more retarded: Have you ever noticed, how fast time passes? The adults surely talked about it. "Oh god, he grows up so fast!". The past is lost. The future is limited. At the end of the future, everything will be the past, and everything will be nothing. So ultimately, there will be a point in time where nothing we ever did matters AT ALL. What a shitty view. Don't know if you can understand that, but oh well
So, right. If nothing matters, then what i do doesnt matter. I could go kill my cat right now and it wouldnt matter at all. Fun doesnt matter, love doesnt matter, fear doesnt matter, pain doesnt matter, hate doesnt matter, and death doesnt matter. Thats alot of freedom, actually
I have to respect no one, i have no duties, i have to follow no rules. I live the stupid life that for whaterver reason was given to me the way i want to. No one can touch my ultimate freedom - The same freedom, that everyone else has, due to the exact same pointlessness of their lifes. But they don't realize that, and keep living in their little frame that was given to them through instinct and standard behavior.
Ultimate freedom means that i can live my life the way i want to. ... How do i want to live my life? I actually just want to be happy.
Thats why i help others. Thats why i want to make my parents proud. Thats why i keep my friends, that i now finally have. I don't even feel sadness or hate anymore - It doesn't make sense to be sad or full of hate. All negative emotions are pointless, since they don't contribute to my ultimate goal:
Happiness. I do what makes my brain happy.
Simple, right? Humans sure are stupid, living in their little fishbowl. But thats the way i like to live. Don't know if that made sense to you. Maybe it will later.
Dark ones have the biggest potential to become great personalities. Guess thats why i wrote all of this Keep going, you'll be just fine
Very much text indeed... But I read all of it. I LOVED what you said about the "Ultimate Freedom". The last scene of the cube was actually my favorite part. Listen closely to what he says, I just love it: [link]
"Boundless human stupidity"...
I'm pretty sure humanity will have an economical catastrophe which will result in total anarchy. True freedom... Every person alive has a chance to make a difference. Life is 1 to infinity... Life is the key to the door of making other people pointless liefs enjoyable. Life only happens once in infinity. Make some good out of it. But stupid people who just commit suicide are the most egoistic ones out of all. Except for sacrifice, even though it's sad it still has a reason.
But have you heard of the theory of everything? What if nothing is... "real"? What if this all is some kind of matrix? We can't prove that it isn't. And even if we did, it wouldn't chance much... and when I say much I mean nothing. Because if you think deeply about this... you'll see even more. Until you see so much that you're blind again. It's all a huge anti-climax.
I'll never make my dad proud... only jealous. He beats me very often because he knows I'm right. I never hit back. I don't even cry or say ouch. But my mom on the other hand, she is the one who made me realize all this. She is 100x more philosophical than me.